Perspective: Rethinking Mistakes & Embracing Growth
As a recovering perfectionist, I understand the fear and pressure that comes with the idea of making mistakes. In my early years, I was driven by this desire to be the person my parents wanted me to be, constantly striving for perfection. This fear intensified when I entered the real world and faced the challenges of my first job. I felt incompetent and insignificant, terrified of making any mistakes that would confirm my worst fears.
I felt so much shame. I felt like the dumbest, most incompetent, most insignificant person alive. Great thoughts when starting your first job, right? And the unfortunate part was that this fear of making mistakes spilled over into my personal life. I would beat myself up over every perceived misstep, whether it was losing my temper with my kids or making a wrong decision. The weight of guilt and shame became overwhelming.
But what if mistakes weren’t real? What if they were simply opportunities for growth and learning? It all comes down to our perspective. When we label something as a mistake, we are judging ourselves based solely on the outcome we desired. We compare our current situation to a different outcome, often leading to feelings of guilt and shame.
Thinking you made a mistake is really just judging yourself as wrong, like looking back in the past for something that we did based solely on the results we got from it. As children, we didn’t view every misstep as a mistake. It was through authority figures that we began to associate certain actions with wrongness. This emotional energy attached to the judgment of right and wrong can shape our perception of mistakes.
Somewhere along the way, we got the message that what we’re doing is not okay or unacceptable. Usually, through some authority figure, a parent, a teacher, or whatever, and that communicated some level of wrongness. Having these messages come from some of the people we look up to as kids can leave a lasting impact and shape our mindset.
To break free from the fear of making mistakes, we need to first shift our mindset. Instead of striving for perfection, and avoiding any potential missteps, we can view each action as an opportunity for growth and learning. Rather than labeling our choices as right or wrong, we can see them as feedback to guide us on our journey.
What if instead of trying so hard for our choices to not be wrong, we viewed each outcome as feedback for us to learn and grow? When we embrace this perspective, we can release the burden of guilt and shame that often accompany mistakes. We can give ourselves permission to be imperfect and acknowledge that we are constantly evolving. Think about this question, “What if we let go of the idea that we could make a mistake and instead thought of our actions as learning and evolving?”
In our quest to shift our perspective on mistakes, it’s crucial to extend compassion and empathy to ourselves. We are human, and we are bound to make choices that don’t always align with our desired outcomes. Rather than beating ourselves up or blaming others, we can choose to learn from the experiences and make more informed decisions moving forward. Of course, we can beat ourselves up for the outcome given, which is usually what I do. But if we decide to choose to learn from this experience, rather than blaming others, we are giving ourselves a chance to make a shift in our mindset. By reframing our mindset and embracing self-compassion, we can break free from the cycle of feeling like we’re constantly doing something wrong. We can acknowledge our efforts and give ourselves credit for navigating through life’s challenges.
When we view our lives as a series of mistakes, we become stuck in the past. We dwell on what could have been and beat ourselves up for not achieving the desired outcome. But the truth is, we are here in the present moment, and that is where life exists. By letting go of the notion of mistakes, we can fully embrace the present and focus on the choices we make in each moment. We can approach life with curiosity and openness, knowing that every action we take is an opportunity for growth and self-discovery.
In our journey through life, we will undoubtedly face challenges and make choices that don't align with our desired outcomes. But by shifting our perspective and embracing the power of growth, we can release the fear of making mistakes. We can view each action as an opportunity to learn and evolve, free from the burden of guilt and shame.
Let's be kinder to ourselves and acknowledge that we are constantly learning and growing. Instead of striving for perfection, let's strive for progress. By embracing the present moment and letting go of the past, we can fully embrace ourselves and the journey we are on. If you’ve enjoyed this blog, check out my podcast, Money Isn’t Scary where I help people overcome their fear and negative associations with money by empowering individuals to take control of their finances.