Learning to Trust Yourself with Money
What does the concept of self-trust mean to you? How significant do you find this concept to be, particularly for women? So often our struggles with money stem from a lack of trust in ourselves. But when you understand the root causes and implement certain strategies, you can learn to trust yourself with money and improve your relationship with it.
Looking back, it’s hard to imagine a world where women weren’t able to have a bank account without a man. But this was the reality in 1970. This belief that women were incapable of managing money responsibly was widespread in a society that viewed women as delicate creatures who lacked the understanding and competence that men possessed.
Even though this view is outdated and unfair, it still impacts the way women perceive themselves and their abilities to handle financial matters. The lack of trust in women’s financial capabilities has permeated many aspects of our lives, influencing decisions as small as breakfast to shampoo brands. With this history from the past weighing down, it’s no wonder why you find it difficult to trust yourself with money.
Many of us, myself included, have always relied on external validation and guidance from others. We believe that someone else knows better and that we need fixing or help. This mindset has caused us to place others on pedestals while dismissing our thoughts and instincts. Because we are worried about making a wrong decision we constantly seek reassurance and advice from others.
What’s worse is when we start comparing our choices to others attempting to find the conscience in ourselves to say that we made the right choice. This lack of self-trust manifests in excessive guilt and constant fear of making mistakes. How are you going to trust yourself with money, when trusting yourself with a decision is challenging?
Our childhood experiences play a significant role in shaping our self-trust. Mistakes that were met with punishment or criticism can impact our confidence. Think of it this way, if your parents always swooped in and fixed your problems you may start to doubt your ability to handle difficult situations. Growing up with a victim mentality can also hinder your self-trust. You might think that life’s circumstances are beyond your control, but what if you started believing in yourself and your abilities, especially when it came to how you trust yourself with money?
We view trust as the reliability, trust, ability, or strength of someone or something. But let’s be honest, many of us associate trust with external factors like trusting others to fulfill their obligations. Trusting ourselves is a relatively new concept that requires us to tune into our needs and instincts. It involves being aware of our thoughts, and feelings, and expressing ourselves honestly. To have confidence in our ability to navigate difficult times and pursue our goals, we need to stick to our ethics, and values, and prioritize self-care.
So what are some ways you can start to trust yourself with money and cultivate self-trust? To start, start listening to your needs and instincts instead of immediately seeking others’ opinions. Start to sit with your feelings and consider your options first. Figure out the pros and cons to resist the impulse to constantly seek reassurance from others. This will only reinforce the belief that you cannot handle feeling bad, and that it’s okay to confront your fears and anxieties. This allows you to build confidence in your ability to manage difficult emotions and helps you start to trust yourself with money.
Self-compassion is the next step on the road to developing self-trust. Sometimes we are our own biggest critics, constantly undermining our confidence and hindering our ability to trust ourselves. When we offer ourselves the same support and understanding we would give a friend or loved one, we can begin to cultivate authentic self-compassion. Give yourself permission to make mistakes and start to trust yourself with money, because these are opportunities for growth and learning. Fearing these will only hold you back. Start to change your expectation and let go of perfectionism so that you can embrace your imperfections and build self-trust.
To start to trust yourself with money, you need to also be able to handle difficult emotions. Many of us avoid or numb ourselves from painful emotions. This deprives us of the opportunity to practice healthy emotional engagement. When we become more comfortable with the emotions we are not fond of, more likely we are to start building self-trust.
As I reflect on my own journey, I realize that our relationship with money, as well as other aspects of our lives, begins with our relationship with ourselves. By understanding the historical and cultural factors that have shaped our lack of self-trust, we can challenge and overcome these beliefs. Tuning into our needs and instincts, practicing self-compassion, embracing vulnerability, and giving ourselves permission to make mistakes are all crucial steps in learning to trust ourselves. As we cultivate self-trust, we gain the confidence to make decisions aligned with our values and pursue our dreams without seeking external validation.
I am not an expert in psychology or brain science, but I am tired of feeling disempowered. By examining my past and challenging my core beliefs, I have begun to lift the weight of self-doubt. Shifting my expectations and embracing self-trust has given me hope for a future where I can make choices based on my confidence and intuition. Together, we can break free from the limitations of self-doubt and build a foundation of self-trust that empowers us in all areas of our lives. You can begin to trust yourself with money.
If you’ve enjoyed this blog, check out my podcast, Money Isn’t Scary where I help people overcome their fear and negative associations with money by empowering individuals to take control of their finances.